Interviewer: Your music is beautiful.
Below-Fi Cosmic Wanderer: Thank you. I appreciate it.
I: How do you do it?”
I: The music. What instruments do you use to get your sound?
BFCW: Oh. Well. Yeah … uh … sure. They’re … uh … instruments, you know, inspired by actual alien instruments recovered from actual crashed spaceships.
I: You mean???
BFCW: Yes. Flying saucers.
BFCW: Wow indeed.
I: How does one come by such rare and cosmic artifacts?
BFCW: Artifacts? I thought we were talking about my instruments?
I: Yes, we were, weren’t we?
I: You use that word a lot.
BFCW: What word?
I: It makes you sound pompous. Stop it.
I: So … your music.
BFCW: Yes, my music.
I: Which you make with alien technology.
I: So, it’s true then?
I: Aliens have infiltrated the music industry!
I: Are, in fact, some of today’s pop stars actually aliens? I mean, let’s face it, we’re not talking Neil Young or any of those other old geezers who make music, we’re talking about … well, everything went sideways somewhere. Even Wild Man Fischer wasn’t as weird as all this photo-shopped white noise.
I: Who are they? No! What are they?? Grays? Reptilians? Aura Rhanes?
BFCW: What ?
I: Or all of them? Sure, all of them. Interstellar diversity!
I: You got to hand it to them, it’s pure genius.
I: And evil. Genius and evil. And so simple.
I: They don’t need a full-on assault. They take over our children …
I: … our leaders of tomorrow.
I: But their music, it’s so beautiful.
BFCW: It’s my music.
I: Played on alien technology.
BFCW: It’s just a keyboard.
I: So, you don’t deny it then?
I: Are you an alien?
I: You are, aren’t you, hence the mastery of these cosmic instruments?
BFCW: I’ll take that as a compliment.
I: How do you say that in your language?
I: And there you have it: A beautiful album of ambient music is, in fact, a subliminal message to its listeners to rise up and over-throw the status quo of our species, weakening our race for a complete alien take-over.
Does the president know, and if so, what is he doing about it?
BFCW: Building a wall.
- From The Hua: Magic Bent’s Only Magazine and Even Then It’s Hard to Findtm